jesuskirkandvinny:

Pineapple Express.  Jesus is Gary Cole.  Kirk is Seth Rogen.

This is probably one of Jesus’ favorite movies.  Every time he cleans the windows (usually Tuesdays), as he pumps the Windex, he says in a high-pitched voice, “Thug life.”  Jesus loves Danny McBride.  “Every line that guy delivers is a gem.”  If you ever get the chance, watch a Danny McBride movie with Jesus—he’ll point the little stuff you never would have noticed without him.  Last time I did, Jesus highlighted this piece of McBride gold: “I am not gonna wake up murdered tomorrow!”  Pure genius.

Jesus often says that if he had to do it all over again, he’d be a weed dealer.  “None of the hard stuff.  Just choice kush.”  That’d be the life all right. Of course, Kirk said, “right around 45 you’d probably wake up one day and go, ‘what the fuck did I do with my life?’”  Man can Kirk suck the buzz out of a room fast.

Jesus just told him that he was a dip-shit and that no matter what you did—from pro athlete to Senator to Good Humor Man—when you hit 45, you ask that question.  “Life’s built that way.  You spend half your life living a certain way and then you spend the other half thinking about how you should have done it differently.”

Damn that Jesus…sometimes he’s too damn smart.  I was all psyched just imagining myself part of a weed dealing posse and then Jesus drops his mid-life knowledge on us and trashes the whole fantasy all to hell.  Fuck that’s gonna sting!